It sounds a bit crazy, unrealistic and even insensitive. After all, there is always some pain and loss involved in adoption. No doubt. And adoptive parents already get a bad (if untrue) rap as appearing to capitalize on other people’s pain. Can you imagine what people would think of us if we started to relax and smile a little?
There’ also s a good dose of cynicism out there about what’s possible regarding adoption and your “odds” of truly rocking it out. Believe me, I understand how challenging it can be to stay positive during the process.
But what I’m about to suggest, unlike some of the other methods out there for bringing your child home faster, has no strings attached. You’ve got nothing to lose. Worst case scenario: you will feel better.
And wouldn’t it be AWESOME if it were possible to feel so on top of things, so confident and relatively upbeat all through the highs and lows of your adoption journey that crippling fear and stress were no longer an issue?
Turns out, not only is it possible…it’s also a savvy adoption strategy…
All you need to know about unhappiness
Here the truth about staying in negative emotions during your adoption (Taken from my personal experience adopting four as well as my experience with hundreds of other adoptive moms):
- unhappiness is not an effective strategy. If you truly desire to do some good in the world through adoption, overdosing on stress and fear is not the way to go. Being depleted and unhappy yourself does NOTHING, zero, nada, to lift up or assist anyone else in need–from a potential birth mother to her child to the millions of homeless children around the world.
- unhappiness breeds ickiness. Have you noticed the slightly desperate-needy vibe that can hang out below the surface of some adoptions? Your misery could be the unintentional cause! The number one challenge I hear from women adopting is fear of the unknown and a feeling like the situation is out of their control. Feeling this way can make us grabby & desperate without meaning to be. We become focused solely on the end result of bringing our child home and on getting adoption “over with.” All this can make the other players in adoption feel like pawns in our game. And that’s just plain icky.
- unhappiness slows down your adoption. Bottom line? The fastest way to get traction in your adoption is to make your adoption profile more “attractive.” Here’s how…Beyond strategy, research, choosing the right path & professional for your unique situation. And the hundred other little practical footwork details. Adoption is ALL about having “attractive” energy. No matter how perfect your adoption profile is structurally and no matter how truly exceptional parents you will one day make, there is a crucial, intangible quality of “attraction” that trumps all. We’re all vibrating at a certain level. Hanging out in the positive emotions–such as love, enthusiasm, and confidence– is a high vibration and makes your energy ‘attractive’ to a potential birth mother, lawyer, agency, decision maker. Hanging out in the negative emotions–fear, victimhood, being overly controlling–brings your energy down and is a repellant energy & turns people away.
More is Possible
I’m not suggesting you do a happy dance 24/7. It’s obviously WAY easier said than done. The sad truth is, most women (me included during my first adoption) experience a sense of isolation and lack of positive support and correct information during their adoptions.
And ironically, it’s only when a woman feels truly safe, confident & well supported that it even becomes POSSIBLE for her to master her emotions, wisely manage her adoption, and unravel the secrets to creating an accelerated adoption process.
So don’t beat yourself up. Don’t try to force yourself to ‘get happy’ when you’re not. That’s like putting a smiley face sticker on an empty gas gauge while you’re driving and pretending the tank is full. You’re going to get stuck eventually…:)
But do start moving in a positive direction from where you are. Be genuine. Whatever emotions you’re experiencing right now, you are doing the very best you can. And you’re not the only one. Believe me, I’ve been there. It’s one of the BIG reasons, after my own four adoptions, that I created the AG adoption coaching programs. I didn’t see anyone helping women who adopt get out of isolation, feel truly supported & nurtured, and apply some seriously effective strategies to accelerate their adoption, feel great during their adoptions & get rid of all the drama and stress.
We don’t get many cracks at motherhood.
Make a promise to yourself today to believe in yourself, believe you can have what you want, and reach out for positive, intelligent and nurturing support from friends and mentors on your journey.
And always always always surround yourself with people who make you feel really GOOD about adopting.:)
If you’d like to explore how to apply these ideas to your unique adoption situation, schedule a complimentary 30 minute Discovery Consultation Session. I specialize in helping passionate, high achieving women accelerate their adoptions and bring home their children by the most direct route possible (usually in about a year). All while feeling feminine & great through the process. To schedule your sacred strategy session, apply here
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